Writing a Hipster Back Cover Non-summary Summary

I’ve been writing a lot of post drafts lately and then not finishing them, because something new and shiny started to shine and I got distracted. It’s a bit of a curse, I think. So, to deal with the issue I subscribed to WordPress’ Daily Prompt blog to find some inspiration for short posts. And lookie there! They had one fantastic idea that I liked. Unfortunately, it was yesterday. Fortunately, I don’t mind!

The title is ‘Coming to a Bookshelf Near You’ and the description: “Write a summary of the book you’ve always wanted to write for the back cover of its dust jacket.” Now, I don’t think I ever had a specific book in my mind that I would like to write. But the back cover blurb? Hell yes! I always find them boring and informative in a very formal way. I say, ‘Down with this thing!’ My blurb would be a jerk blurb. The kind of blurb that you read and your reaction is either that of laughter or that of total hatred. Engaging the reader before he expects to be engaged! It would look somewhat like this:

“Dear random reader,

I see, the fantastic cover got you interested in purchasing this awesome book. To be honest, I think that would be a brilliant decision on your part. I would love to give you some vague information about the plot to interest you even more. But, let’s be serious, that would be absolutely boring. I mean, the story inside those covers is amusing and well-written, that’s a given. They don’t publish schmucks, after all! And, you know, it got great reviews too, and it was a bestseller somewhere. Surely. I’ve also got friends who would write me blurbs with something cool inside them, like ‘Best Book Ever’ or ‘It’s Better Than Sex’ or some such. However, I’m an utterly nice person and decided to not bother them with such sticky marketing business.

Oh, but the book summary! Sorry I forget myself sometimes. To be perfectly honest, though, I don’t really know what’s it about. I drink a lot, you know. And sometimes take dangerous hallucinogenic drugs. So my mind is a very messy place with ideas just floating around and having wild sex with each other. Silly ideas. But don’t worry. I’m pretty sure the book has characters who have outrageous personalities and do stuff. Sometimes normal, sometimes heroic. Some of them die, some of them don’t. There’s excitement and emotions too!

You want to know more? Give me a break. You should have done some more research on the internet instead of just going around the bookshop and looking for stuff. And if you don’t care about money, then why are you still reading this? Why did you even begin!. I’ve got a cool-looking cover! Buy me! Now!

Yours Truly,
The Supremely Skillful with Words, Completely Serious in All He Does, Fashionably Handsome and Dangerously Sexy
Author of the Book in Your Nice Soft Hands (What Cream Do You Use? They’re Really Cuddly!)”

Then I would put this blurb on the back of the English dictionary and watch people’s confused/mad/funny reactions with a cup of tea in my hand. Like a boss.

About tobecooper

http://invasionofreality.wordpress.com/
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