The Mythical Chosen Ones. You meet them through your whole life all the time. These guys are everywhere. They serve as the simplest and yet most effective storytelling device. It refers to the feeling of individual exception that we so need and love – to be someone who can make a difference and who’s life counts. At the same time, it’s gotten so cliched, you can’t make two steps into fiction and not encounter one. So I decided to use this chance as to interview a Chosen, and ask him a couple of hard questions. He agreed to talk, but refused to reveal his real name. He doesn’t need any more trouble.
Tobe Cooper: Hello. It’s nice to meet you and I would like to wholeheartedly thank you for finding some time for this interview. I know you’re a busy man.
The Anonymous Chosen One: No problem, man. I’m in a bit of a transition time. Any guys who could lead me have died already, and my girl has been kidnapped, so I’m waiting for the signs at the moment. You know, a black raven or a war in the north. Something. I can’t take any action without a sign. I’d really prefer to go home and don’t think about any of this, so that’s what I’m trying to do…
TC: You mention your girl has been kidnapped? What happened there?
TACO: Ah, it’s my nemesis. You know how it goes. He can’t be bothered to try and catch me, or kill me. That would be a waste of resources, because I would escape anyway, and would most probably blow up, destroy, or murder a lot of things and people. Evil things and evil people. So he kidnaps my loved ones. I, really, stopped caring when one of my enemies killed my fourth sister to get at me. I mean, does it really show how bad you are if you murder someone I care for? Is it really the way to hurt me? To get at me? But it’s an easy way to raise their reputations and to get some street rep. I gain from that too, because I receive some motivation. Bah. It’s tiring, but it’s a mutual exchange. A sacrifice for success. Men’s world is harsh and written by men who have grown up on men’s written stories.
TC: Is this something that always comes with the job?
TACO: Yeah, yeah. I think Jesus somehow avoided that problem, but that’s because he didn’t consummate, plus he was saying that he loves everyone. And is it easier to kill everyone, or just Jesus? The answer was obvious there. Pilate knew what he was doing, played it real professional. Anyway, it’s a sad fate of the Chosen One, but I knew that will be happening from my younger days. I went to this fortuneteller, you see…
TC: You mean an oracle.
TACO: Yeah, whatever, and she says to me at the start that I’m the chosen and I will do something important but I will have to suffer too. And ohohoahah, eh. It was all very cryptic at the time, I was a young, wide-eyed boy, after all, but now I know it’s rubbish. She says the same thing to every kid. I don’t know what do they get from it? What’s the gain? Some Illuminati requirement? Or do they do this just for the rep? Eh, f**king others up is the best way to get famous. That’s what I learned.
TC: But as a Chosen One, you do a lot of good deeds too, right?
TACO: I am in a fantastic position with that, yes. People usually love me, just because I am the Chosen. It comes automatic to them, great things are in my future, and I’ll do something positive, so now they don’t care much. I could ride on a horse, drunk and buck-naked, into an orphanage and attack children there with two rabid cats on fire. If I remember correctly, the last time I did that, only one old lady told me it wasn’t the most reasonable thing to do, but she perfectly understood that my job is highly stressful and this kind of things happen. Rarely. Occasionally.
TC: That sounds a bit dumb.
TACO: Oh, stop with that tone. I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, I know that. I’m aware. I am a soldier. I am the protector of status quo, not some leader or philosopher. This is a job for people with conviction, who can be stubborn in the face of impossible. Not stand around and waste time on talking.
TC: So dumbness is a prerequisite?
TACO: Yes, in a way it is. Dumber people are happier and often more lucky. Plus, we need stuff to be explained to us in detail. It helps. It really helps when you are just a puppet in a big show. You may not want to do something, but everyone knows you will do it. Your ‘no’ is a ‘yes.’ You always know what to do, because there’s no significant choice to be made. Again, your ‘no’ is always a ‘yes.’ You have power, so what you do will make a difference to someone. You talked about this earlier, right? The good deed. It will happen, whether I want it or not. Besides, you are not just any puppet, but the main one, the Chosen One. That has to count for something, right?