[Text is inspired by today’s Daily Prompt: In Loving Memory. “Write your own obituary.” My take on that might be deeply distasteful and might not treat death with enough respect. Therefore, it should not be read by human beings.]
You’re most probably not an absolutist monarch or a totalitarian leader. That’s our first and most serious problem in writing a proper obituary. You can’t really change the history to your liking by flogging a couple of chroniclers and artists. But worry not, obituary is still a fine canvas for your fantastic life adventures.
Here’s some tips to make it sweet:
1. Honesty is overrated. This is our main tip and one which leads straight into the other awesome tips. Let’s spice it up!
2. I wouldn’t trust the family to make it. I mean, their hearts are in the right place but they would make it too ordinary. Most probably sad and beautiful too. Or bittersweet. It would be a different type of awesome than the awesome we’re going for. What I’m saying is better just do it yourself.
3. The year of your death doesn’t really matter, you will live to your sixties, maybe even longer. But that doesn’t sound spectacular to me. It lacks glamor. So change it to something more Rock ‘n Roll. Twenty seven years old is the epitome of Rock. It’s the age of death of Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin. No one’s gonna check anyway, and dying at this age you go straight to the rebel hall of fame. 27. Remember this number. Forever.
4. An amusing type of death is an important step in standing out from the crowd of other obituaries. I’m not talking Darwin Awards type of death, though that would be amusing, but let’s make it special. It can be heroic if that’s your preference. “Died saving ten puppies from being drowned by an evil mafia syndicate army.” Sounds about right. Or you can celebritize it a little – “overdosed on drugs during a raging weekend orgy with the whole town.”
Yeah, this is what headlines are made of.
5. Make it short and sweet. I don’t trust people and their attention spans. They are short and ugly.
6. Get yourself a cool place for the memorial service. The Harder to get to, the better. Maybe make it illegal too. That would be a memorial to remember you by. BTW hire a singer or a choir to perform happy songs about death.
A glorious example from yours truly:
Kathmandu – Tobe Cooper, 27, died Sunday, September 26, 2072. He was helping a group of baby pandas in crossing a desert. He got them to safety. We salute you, man. A memorial service will be held at the top of Mount Everest. Condolences may be screamed at the top of your lungs from the roof the nearest building.